The Journey of a Generational Curse Breaker: Healing Beyond My Mother’s Entities

Hey Friend, 

I just had the most gentle cry in the shower after a big realization about how my childhood trauma has impacted my ability to smell what’s healthy for me.

So many of us sensitive, powerful women were the answer to our mother's prayers.

And what does that mean?

It means that our mother created a manifestation for healing and that our spirits, to have a body, agreed to heal her request so that we could exist on this planet.

And in neutrality, what a beautiful offering of love to give to the person who is going to carry you for months and months and years and years.

But what if she can’t hold our light in return?

What happens is that we end up drowning in our mother’s pain in utero, and we don’t develop enough self-esteem juice to own our light for ourselves. We become submerged in our mother’s shadowland, shackled by her fears. Our body competes for light with our mother’s pain. We are codependently unable to claim the joy we want to experience as a Spirit until we are ready to psychically break up with the pain. (This is a generational curse and they live in the womb and your eggs that your grandma also carried.)

There comes a time when this healing agreement you made to heal your mom’s pain before your own starts to stagnate your life. Your energy fields get heavy — your dreams always fall short. You’re living a mediocre life, but at least it’s safe from emotional upheaval, embarrassment, and shame. You hear the call of the body, but you’re afraid to answer it.

My life’s work is breaking up with my mother’s pain. I am the generational curse breaker of my feminine line of unhinged mediums who left the body because they couldn’t manage their sensitivity on this planet. No shade, it’s hard… I get why nobody wanted to do this. It’s been a trial by fire.

I want to share with you a really personal self-discovery I recently made.

I've been working this really big energy around my sense of smell. For context, being psychic means we have ‘clairs’ — our ability to perceive beyond the physical. We can see, touch, smell, know, understand, feel – things that we cannot physically see. Like being able to taste the quality of the wind.

The clair that relates to smell energy is Clairalience. And that’s what I am talking about in this thread. *trigger warning I am going to talk about the impact of my mother’s alcoholism on my psychic abilities to smell joy.

I didn’t even know I had smell trauma until a recent therapy session helped me to unpack why I lose attraction to men right before we get physically intimate if they have less than neutral breath, why mouth health has spiraled the most romantic dates, why the new age feral movement i.e., lack of deodorant or showers gives me the ick, why I am highly critical of teeth health, and why the smell of clean clothes makes me feel safe AF even if it disrupts hormones… It’s because my mother was an alcoholic.

i.e., my fear of receiving safe connection flares up when someone smells off. Okay, I got the story (thanks, therapy), but how do I clear it (hello, psychic surgery)?

I grew up with an alcoholic mother. My childhood experiences with her alcohol intake created a pattern of overuse of my nose to smell if she was drinking or not. To smell if she was going to be mom, or if she was going to be a demon. I became the police of “smell her breath” — if it was clear, I would be okay to receive love. If it wasn’t — I left my body to prepare for emotional neglect and verbal abuse and let something else who could handle it step into it. i.e., a spiritual entity.

Mediumship is being an intermediary between the physical and spiritual planes and often people who struggle with addiction are mediums. Alcoholic parents channel entities, they leave their bodies and let something else in because they are in so much pain. They “don’t remember” and can’t take accountability because something else possessed them. Alcoholics create a lot of karma. So, you can imagine as a spirit, I chose the perfect environment to learn how to develop my gifts of psychic healing and to get senior to entities so I can help clear them. But I would never want to walk that shadow initiation again. ever.

I became survival-obsessed with protecting myself against the entities she channeled that knew exactly where to poke my pain. My mother's entities would psychically attack me and in the morning she would be the most loving woman in the world. It was jarring.

When something happens to you in childhood and you’re highly sensitive – if there isn’t another grounded nervous system around to support your safety, you will create safety from the spirit world. You will make an agreement with a protector being to step in and help you defend against pain.

Not all entities are bad, I am so tired of horror movies making us scared of spirits. It’s not like that – beings are colors we interact with daily – we need them until we become conscious enough to tend to our pain stories. It’s when we don’t need them anymore that we experience the struggle of releasing them because talk therapy doesn’t do this. Only psychics or shamans are initiated into this skill consciously!

My protector being in my nose helped me survive my mother’s alcoholism, thank you friend. This protector helped me to sniff out the smell to decide, will I be safe, or will I not? Will this person have the capacity to love me? Or am I going to need to brace for impact?

My mother smoked and when I needed her most — I felt like I couldn’t reach for her because of how grossed out I was by the way she smelled. This created a push-pull dynamic when it comes to relationships: come close — no stay away I’m not safe to relax unless you’re in perfect health. When I need a connection with others, this being steps in to freeze me up to protect me from being attacked by the other person’s trauma imprint, but it’s not in the present time. Its role has expired, I remind myslef I am 30 now. I am a safe adult.

So many call this self reflection parts work, but I do notice that the beings aren’t actually parts of the soul, they are foreign to my color signature – and this is why the lack of psychic awareness in psychological protocol is what I am on the planet to teach about.

Okay, back to the story, you still with me?

One time I dated a man who smoked and I could not understand why I was addicted to putting myself through that cycle. It was one of the most emotionally unstable relationships I have experienced and he gave me the ick and many yeast infections [our yoni’s way of protection] but I stayed — so he wouldn’t unalive himself.

Well, if this isn’t a karmic loop, I don’t know what is – my desire to fix my mother — to complete our healing contract that she left incomplete with her death. I was stuck in this loop because I didn’t know how to release my healing agreement with Mom. My relationships were mirroring my obsession with resurrecting her, my tolerance for her entities, and my fear of losing myself to the grief of losing her again.

One of my previous partners drank dark liquor and would sweat it out — the smell of his body releasing the sugar triggered me so much I would have panic attacks. Cue my protector being, massive experiences of anger, yelling, and disconnection because my body knew, not safe, and yet I stayed.

If anything smells bad, I immediately go into high freeze. Mildew, Mold, Cavities, smoke, unwashed clothes, body odor… If things smell good, I relax and come into my body.

In the past, I didn’t have permission to feel safe enough to own the feeling of disgust in my body and let it inform my decisions to walk away from the ick, so I would stay frozen in this pattern of: this is my fault, I am broken, your request for hygiene are not allowed, you’re a bad spiritual woman for having judgments of others, etc. – punishment, you know those thought forms.

Flash forward to present time, my nose is such an ally in my ability to address what is poison for my body or not. aha! Of course my childhood was an initiation into psychic surgery. Now, I can finally give my inner child permission to own the feeling of truth: I was disgusted by my mother. And as I process that, my relationship to Earth, smell, and being held is also changing.

I also released the agreement to heal my mother and uploaded it to my akashic records, then had a little party for my protector part, and helped that being take its next steps as a spirit. Woohoo, I love being psychic.

I don't believe that our psychicness comes from trauma, I believe you are born with it. What I believe happens is that your psychic senses (your chakras) become overactive or underactive based on your childhood development. Your psychic abilities have helped you survive your early childhood shadow initiation and that can leave you stuck in hyperdrive, hypervigilance, or shadow practitioner mode. This will affect how you view the world and how you relate to intimacy. There is nothing more intimate than having someone see your spirit, read you, or help you heal yourself.

Lack of intimacy with true self becomes a blockage that I see in female leaders, healers, and psychic readers who jump into their client's space to heal them from a place of lack or trust in the client's higher self or project their trauma onto them because they have matching pain.

Where I see a lot of shadow workers, feminine leaders, front-facing business women, and healers get stuck is they're either finding clients, employees, or partners who have matches to their parents and then their hypervigilant beings take over in an effort to resolve their trauma. You over-identify with people coming to completion – safety – and wellness, so you feel safe to settle into your body. But really you are losing your space, giving up your power, and then get stuck in freeze trying to make a ‘full body yes choice’ to book a psychic surgery session with me for support. It happens to the best of us including me.

What is more supportive is to allow the people around you to find a vibration that is the best for them. Not match it, let them be their own color, and in recognizing that – having enough self-esteem to say yes or no. You can’t be a neutral healer or have a feminine business devoted to helping women rise into the divine feminine if you aren’t addressing your womb trauma, your feelings, or your relationship with mother.

This starts with your pre-conception agreements you made in the akashic records with your family of origin [mom], your gestation, and your birth story.

It’s time to find yourself under your mother's pain, to release the agreement to heal her before yourself, and find the courage to own your needs.

Want to go deeper?

Sign up for a Summer at Depth.

Or book a psychic surgery session with me.

Enjoy your journey, Alexandria Kenyon.