Bed time is the worst for me. When I lie down to go to sleep my mind is always running at light speed... Why is that ?! My brain seriously never just "shuts down".
So tonight as I am bribing myself to fall asleep my brain decided that I should analyze every part of my day and the first thought that came to mind was: I didn't check off all the boxes on my never ending to do list and now there is EVEN MORE to do tomorrow.... I didn't accomplish everything that I wanted to get done today and my mind was NOT okay going to sleep with an unfinished checklist.
I was overwhelmed by "open drawers." Drawers that couldn't be shut right at that moment...open drawers that I have filled with unfinished business and self doubt....open drawers that make it incredibly hard to fall asleep. And these open drawers that never seem to shut make me feel inadequate as a business owner, as a wife, as a student, as a daughter, and most importantly as a human being.
So I was laying there thinking about all of the stuffed drawers in my life, when I realized that ... I have to stop focusing on all of my OPEN DRAWERS and give myself CREDIT for how many drawers I have CLOSED!
I have a habit of not giving myself credit when credit is due... for not acknowledging that 97% of the time I kick ass. It bothers me how hard it is for me to accept that I am enough... and I tend to dwell on these open drawers late at night. I'd like to blame my anxiety... but I think it's human nature to be your own worst enemy. To focus on your struggle and not your success. You have to be willing to grant yourself grace.
So I would like to give myself some praise now and I am hoping you will do the same for yourself.... for being the bad asses that we are. For holding it down when everything could be falling apart. For being the strong people we are! and for me checking off 7/10 of my boxes today... and sort of being okay with finishing the rest tomorrow.
I have to accept that I cannot control everything as much as I would like to. That shit happens, and it's how you pick yourself up that makes you who you are. I have to learn to accept myself ... Stuffed drawers and all. And hopefully those stuffed drawers will start to get cleaned out... so I can shut them... and get my ass to SLEEP!
So if you're in bed scrolling through your feed and you can't sleep because your mind is overwhelmed by the hustle of life I want you to know that I see you. And I wish it was as easy as just taking a deep breath in and letting go of the ALL of the things you can't control with one big exhale, but it's not... at least for me. It's something I don't intend to fix overnight. BABY STEPS! I want you to know that your not alone and if someone hasn't told you today that you are enough.... YOU ARE ENOUGH!! Keep going. Start cleaning out those drawers one step at a time. Love yourself for being the badass that I know you are!
Goodnight beautiful people.